The world is demanding far more of you than you can give. The to-do lists are getting longer, not shorter. Your inner voice screams for you to do “more, more, more.” Your entire day is propelled from the next thing to the next thing to the next thing. Resentment is building. Exhausted is your constant state. Sleeping, eating, and breathing all feel like a chore. There seems to be no end in sight. You are in the midst of chaos.
Notice it – How did your nervous system and body respond as you read that? Did you feel anxious or angry? Did your heart rate speed up a little?
Name it – Your fight or flight response kicking into gear.
Attend to it – Keep reading and I’ll tell you how.
My coaching clients often ask me to give them tools to become resilient amidst chaos. Not too many years ago I was a young wife with two children, three businesses, and a spouse who was dying of cancer. I was no stranger to being overscheduled, people-pleasing, and caregiving. I had no boundaries and was continuously being rocked by stress, never once considering myself and my health as part of my daily to-do list. Through that process, I learned that the key to making a shift towards stress reduction and resiliency is knowing what we as individuals need to keep our nervous systems regulated.
My biggest piece of advice is to start your day by going inward and assessing how your body feels. For me, that looks like sitting up in my bed, closing my eyes, and doing a short breathwork routine. I start by taking a few slow breaths, becoming aware of the sensations that arise in my body. For example, I might notice that my stomach is off. When I think about emotions that surface as I bring awareness to my stomach discomfort, I am able to connect that I am scared of something that is on my calendar that day. Years ago, this type of discomfort would have sent me into a subconscious feedback loop reminding me of the last time I had something on my calendar that caused me anxiety. Through practice, I’ve learned that by taking deep, calming breaths, I’m able to re-pattern my body to send different messages to my brain, thus easing my anxiety and alleviating my stomach pain. Along with breathwork, I also find grounding in nature another fantastic practice to help calm my body and mind. To practice grounding, go outside and stand in the grass or sand with your bare feet. Then, begin to notice what you smell, taste, feel, hear, and see. This type of awareness practice will help to center you, calming the chaos surrounding you. Lastly, I practice Pilates multiple times a week, try to get/give 5-10 hugs a day, and use all five of my senses when I eat.
The next time you are full of chaos and stress, I want you to start and end your day with one minute of introspection or sitting in your body and feeling all the sensations and emotions that arise. Then, the next day, try one new thing that brings you peace and joy. Most of us naturally have tools that we use to balance stress, whether that be exercise, sunshine, listening to healing sounds, or nourishing our bodies properly. The foundation of healing and building resiliency begins with paying attention to how you feel, creating space to do so, and then adding into your daily routines things that help calm your nervous system.
Another tool I recommend to clients is creating a glimmer practice. Deb Dana, a somatic healer and polyvagal expert coined the term “glimmers,” which refers to the spark of ventral energy (peace and safe energy) we feel in our nervous system when we notice something that makes us feel this way. She and I both recommend creating a list of things that can be easily added to your routine to regulate your nervous system. Just creating this list is a step forward because it tells your body that you are listening to its needs, helping it to find peace, safety, and connection.
I believe our highest calling in life is to learn to practice self-love and self-trust in every moment. We must believe that we have the deepest innermost wisdom to know what we need to give ourselves at any moment. I equate resiliency to parenting. We must be loving parents to ourselves, protecting our own needs fiercely by setting positive boundaries and practicing and creating routines that help us deal with stress in a healthy and balanced way.
The world outside of us can be as chaotic as it wants to be – that’s something we can’t control. But, we can use our resilience routines to help our nervous systems return to a regulated state more rapidly when triggered by stress. The goal isn’t to always be perfectly regulated, but rather, the goal is to be aware of what we need to return to balance in our nervous system.
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